I’ve been thinking a lot lately about changing my life drastically. The kind of change that in terms of a haircut would be like chopping it all off into a little pixie and amping up the color. Something along the lines of moving to a different country, perhaps even another continent, and definitely a radical change in my career.
The situation I’m in definitely hasn’t been working for me. I’ve found myself struggling with bouts of depression and hopelessness over the past year and a half. I’ve been blaming all this mainly on the relationship that I’ve been in. But maybe its not the relationship that trapping me - maybe its myself. Because this isn’t the first time that I found myself caught up in a situation like this.
Maybe I’m afraid of being free.
Isn’t it easier to blame my lack of success on all the circumstances that surround me?
The answer has to be a big resounding NO. It is not. It cannot be easier, because I am not doing what I love everyday and that is just no fun. The things I am doing are not fulfilling me or even making me feel authentically ME. This is like a slow torture that I’m performing on myself. I think its time to put down the weapons and just be sweet and allow myself to breathe and think and feel again. To have an opinion and not think about what everyone else is going to think of it before its fully formed. To stop self-editing in order to appear to be a better, kinder, cooler version of myself. Because the better, kinder, cooler version of me HAS to be the real one.
